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July 2, 2009 07:56 - A Fine Day Yesterday... and Today Threatens to be a Repeat!
Got up yesterday... and decided it was time to 'force things'... just a mite... As you might expect... the budget is juuuuuust a mite tight... but you know... I've took off in the truck with enough dinero to last me 10 days for gas and groceries... lookin' to change neighborhoods... and then... camped up on the Gros Ventre river in Wyoming... found a job a day before that cash ran out... ... so I've been 'broke' before... You know what? The money ain't that important... You're not in trouble... unless you run out of guts... and... to be honest, that's one of my...many, many, many... 'issues'... if you're lookin' for a guy without baggage... keep on lookin'! ... 'cause that aint' me... this feller is haulin' a whole dang train load of it! :-) ... anyhoo... you've never been totally 'alive'... until you've teetered right there on the edge of REALLY crashing and burning... When you do that... and get through it... Oh Lordy!... the gigglin' just don't quit! When you do something that everyone else is quaking too much to even try... even if you do it poorly... you stepped off and Did It... while everybody else was just standin' there with their hands in their pockets watchin' and wishin'! ... You Are Alive! Yes Sir... Shining Times! So... the issue? ... I've been livin' 'careful' for too long... I've missed the gigglin' I used to know from doin' things others thought 'Nuts'. Want to know a secret?... there, a couple weeks ago... when I jumped those 'Managers', in defense of my 'Angels', for their deceitful, disloyal, cowardice?... The action that got my kiester fired? ... well, I discovered, doin' that... I hadn't felt that good for years! :-) Yes Sir... findin' out I still had a little ability to 'step up' and damn the cost, when it's called for, was a fine feeling... a little arrogant and egotistical maybe... but a fine feeling just the same! :-) So.... Long winded today... back to 'Forcing things' a bit... I decided that, if I was to be ready to make a 'Wide Circle' once the 'Financial Stuff' gets settled here in a few weeks... I better have my outfit mostly ready to go.. and it's gotten pretty weak the last few years... So... I took my pretty self to REI and spent dinero that might could buy groceries and refreshed a lot of my 'outfit'... tuning it for a Motorcycle Camping Tour of 'Cowboy Dimensions'. :-) Yes Sir. RV Boondocking... Motorcycle Style! Picked up the Tent I'll be needing, a footprint for it, a second duffle to pack the camp in, a rain cover for the two duffles and one of those fold up chairs the hippies use for backpacking... a heck of a good start on squaring up my outfit... Can't you just see me... sittin' in a tent up on the Olympic Penninsula... rain just a hummin'... me settin' in my tent... in my lil' hippy chair... with my laptop... actually on my lap! :-) ... tap tap tappin' away? ... and that poor ol' motorcycle... standin' out in the rain? :-) Oh Lordy! SHINING TIMES! ... and the result? ... later, when I went to pick up Slick from her repairs at Yamaha... the bill was the better part of the money I'd spent at REI... LESS... than what their estimate had been! Sweet! :-) ... and then, I talked to Heidi... and the repair on her car... that broke when... I ... was driving it... was a hundred bucks less than the estimate... Sweet again! Then this morning a phone call.... three days ago... the pup of one of my 'Angels' daughters, had jumped out of her truck at road speed... and, surviving that initially, run off. We searched for several hours... and 'poof' he'd just vanished in the farm land... You could just see that lil' gals heart breaking right there... I can not stand to see a woman cry... and there I had two of 'em! Brianne for her lost pup... Terry for her Daughter... Damn! Ever'body figured he'd been hurt so bad from hitting the road at speed... that he'd just crawled into some bushes somewhere to die... I managed to find some tracks, back at the start, where I figured he'd HAD to go... tracks of a 'caninine' of the right size... Movin' out... and sure looking UNHURT... and I said So... But, they got lost going into a hay field... I kind of told 'em... those aussie/heeler dogs have an amazing will to survive... don't give up quite yet... but it's a difficult thing to maintain hope sometimes... and to tell the truth... Well... this morning, that phone call about 6am... Jokers Back! He turned up at the house, several miles away where they used to live... :-) SWEETEST! Yes Sir! I could hear the giggles in Terrys' voice... she felt so bad for her Kid... and now they were all three, Terry, Brianne and Joker... aces and eights! I have to keep telling myself... and those around me keep my feet to the fire when my will gets weak... but if you don't lose heart, if you can hang on to your dreams and your courage... you can fight your way through the darkest times... and it's often in those darkest times... that you find your most precious friends... and break out into the brightest sunshine. Yes Sir! It threatens to be a fine day! :-) Take Good Care
Brian
July 1, 2009 07:42 - In Pursuit of Dreams
Missed it by That Much! Aw shucks! ... Came close, but no cigar... yet... thought maybe I'd hit the 10,000 unique visitors to the website this month... made it to 9917... close! Next month it's pretty likely though! And, the success of this lil' enterprise is pushing me to make one of those 'Big' decisions... I've told ya'll I was contemplating steppin' off to run after a long held dream... and a lot of you, and people close around me, have said, time and time again... that 'Bad Times' are often just Opportunities in disguise... all you have to do is be able to recognize 'em. So... I've been a lookin' and a watchin'... It's also a pure fact that the folks that have flown the highest had to reach for that... They had to risk the most. Well... it's time a did my 'thing' or get off the pot... I do believe, and it's kind of scary... even for 'Billy Bad Ass' as one of my 'Angels' calls me... but I do believe I see one of those hidden 'Opportunities'... The events of the past few months... have served to create a situation where... just after the start of August... I'll have the opportunity for enough time... and enough assets... (razor thin... but if I only eat every third day, it should work out) ... :-) ... to take off on a 'Cowboy Sabatical' of sorts. It puts my long held dream of making a Long, Wide, Yondering, Circle into action... as well as opens up the ability to focus, with few distractions... and I'm expecting a whole slew of inspirations... on my writing... Two dreams and joys in one... Yondering and story telling... Sounds like a pretty good deal to me... Now... for years that dream was to do that Yondering, Horseback... these days... the transport in the dream has morphed into an Iron Horse! Yes Sir! A rumbling, wind splitting, motorcycle.... Hmmm... RV Boondocking is still RV Boondocking... even if your RV is an Iron Horse... ain't it? :-) OK, I know... parts of that Iron Horse are aluminum... and maybe even bits of plastic and some rubber... but you get the picture! :-) Now... Can a man make a living writing? If you read what a lot of other folks say about it... not very likely for most... but some have done it. They figured out the niche they can fit in to... and most of them require eating more than every third day! :-) Can I? Don't know yet... Maybe not... I just may crash and burn... Hell, it may even be likely that I crash and burn... It's kind of like when I was rodeoin'... Never made no dinero... the other boys always managed more points then me... but... they didn't have the crowd pleasin' wrecks I did either! :-) ... I was the one they were talkin' 'bout :-) ... "Did you see that guy hit the ground? CRUNCH! Oh... that must have hurt!"... :-) Yes sir... I did the entertainin'! all they did was sit on a horse and make some money. :-) Bottom line? I figure to have several months to a year... to chase the dream... chase LIFE... on my own terms... Only thing I do know is if I don't make the run at it... if I don't step out of my 'Comfort Zone' and make the try... I'm gonna regret it the rest of whatever life I have left... and curse myself for cowardice. What's the worst that can happen? ... OH... gettin' splattered on the front end of a Freightliner on I-80 would be a pretty bad day... but mostly... if it don't work out... and I have to stop rollin'?... I just go back to the 'life of quiet desperation' we've all been livin' anyway.... ... OK... so ... I ... haven't been very quiet about it... I admit it... taking 'stuff' silently just ain't my way... I fight and squall. Goin' along quietly is just not how you should expect this Ol' Buster to behave... No sir... I may get tired and wore down on occasion... feel sorry for myself for a bit... but... eventually I'll pick up a hammer again... and go down fightin' and kickin'. Lots of work to do... just a short while to get my outfit squared up... Things are tight and hard choices to make... but then... It's the joy and Healing Power of Spitting the Wind on Freedom Road for this Ol' Geezer! Take Good Care
Brian
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